What will day 2 bring? Surprise speakers, each more surprising than the last!

(begins first day at 8 am)

That Tom Cruise-looking guy from California Dreams?

“Jesus, have some self-respect” — Log Cabin Republicans

This is turning extremely tedious, but if he’s on campus and assaulting another student then it’s different than somebody employed during the day at a business and committing a crime while off the clock.

“Tough times, eh? I’ve lived through twelve recessions, eight panics and five years of McKinleynomics.”

Culpability in a civil suit if it happens again. Ask Art Briles and the rest of the Baylor athletic department right about now.

“It’s terrible to have to part ways with such a young, promising man” — Rupert Murdoch

As an attorney I’m a risk averse person. I would advise a client asking in this situation to not have him on the football team. Punishment is for the criminal courts.

This sounds suspiciously like a SCTV character played by Martin Short or Rick Moranis, maybe halfway between Nathan Thurm and Larry Siegel.

Deadspin Cardinals beat:

I think he’s mad that after a disastrous opening weekend the only place he could see Warcraft on the big screen was 8,000 miles away in Shanghai, and their large popcorns are anything but due to that damned Manifesto.

Had it made $50 million full pay equity would have been achieved, it’s just the way movies interact with real life.

(scoff) More like Yawn-zer

That’s too bad, I was hoping for a “Debate Flop Sweat” charm for her husband’s personal towel cause he’s dumber than a bag of hammers.

God help us if a school’s coach or AD is ever wife- or daughter-less, who knows how low an athlete could sink without being dismissed. “Ted Bundy deserves a second chance, plus we are REALLY thin at the tight end position”

(from a year ago) Stoops reiterated his desire to give second chances while also expressing a staunch belief that violence “should not be tolerated.”

I hate to break it to you but I was pulling your leg; I was never going to have to be there regardless of your attendance.

Young writers should instead make very little money the old-fashioned way: by posting screengrabs and twitter feed dissections