Vibrating beds? Damn right they exist! At least they existed in the form of Magic Fingers on the bed on the Holiday Inn in Manhattan, Kansas in 1972. I took the quarters I still had left because fucking Stuckeys didn’t have a little license plate with my name on it so I bought some peanut brittle I was forced to…

Packerstan is full of fundamentalists. You have to careful there lest you become victim of an honor killing. Dude with knife is probably a team owner.

Built Ford Tough.

Shooting himself in the ankle

Look up the tax rates when we, oh, won World War II or landed on the moon.

That’s my dream, actually, that this motherfucker has a stroke on about October 25th. His orange drooling face would be the GOP candidate. It happened to us here in Minnesota, when Senator Paul Wellstone was killed in a plane crash two weeks before the election and we ended up with Senator Norm Fucking Coleman. A…

I agree with Trump on one thing: I’d like to bang Ivanka too.

You know what I say? You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.

I guess I misunderstood when I read about people arranging escorts for players.

Ever seen one in real life? Dumpy and impotent and it’s not a surprise they couldn’t manage to shoot down an obsolete aircraft attempting no evasive maneuvers.

I have a 1996 Ranger I bought new and which is getting long in the tooth. I don’t want an F-150. Two of my buddies have F-150s in my driveway and I’ve wallowed around the streets in those things. No thanks. I’m thinking about a Nissan Frontier which still comes real basic if you don’t mind boring colors.

Viper

Were they 19-0? I'm surprised more has not been made of it.

Was the ‘84 Tempo too up-market?

My first car was a ‘72 Valiant with the 318 V-8. I loved it dearly. Handled like a shopping cart and burned gas like a B-52, but I was happy as a clam.

I envy the Patriots’ success, however achieved, which made those losses to Eli Manning so exquisite. I like to think that in sub-Saharan Africa some tribe of nomads is clad in “19-0" shirts as they tend to their goats.

I’m torn: should I pledge my allegiance to the flag even though the Bible says I shouldn't engage in idolatry? It's so confusing!

Hey, water is nothing but hydrogen and oxygen, that shit should burn like the fucking Hindenberg.

Yes I’ve met gypsies. The would travel in England in trailers and do the hops harvest near my aunt’s house.

All previously-elected Predidents aren’t sick or dead. Obama is the picture of health. Also has hands big enough to palm a basketball.