Yeah, that sign off was the worst part of this whole thing. It wasn’t the terrible grammar of the insane ego-driven high school facist dictator mentality or the humblebragging or the weird Scientology suppressed-person-ing.

You’re not dying.

My words are fake.

Welp, you just wrote the ABC Family reboot of Sabrina the Teenage Witch and I for one look forward to watching it on Netflix when no one is home (using the Other account so it doesn’t eff up my recs for cerebral dramas.)

Not verging, this is a full on BCO truther.

It’s really easy to divert an unwanted hug into a high five real casual-like so the intended hugger doesn’t feel rejected.

Keep your metric system, For’ner! This is Merica.

What you don’t like that? I’m really thankful that there are caring individuals out there waiting for BCO to drop so they can let me know when a story is faaaaaaaaake so I don’t end up believing it and eventually elevating it to a diety and worshiping it and going to war for it and eventually breaking off from the…

Is it hard juggling your life as both a crack detective AND a party pooper?

Had to re-read that one three times and I still am not entirely sure what happened. I keep trying to reconstruct the moment in my mind and it always just deteriorates into a rainbow acid explosion with unicorns singing and dancing to Funky Town.

There’s so many to choose from!!!!

CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES

YESSSSSSSSSSSS

That is literally how I imagined Maryanne’s real life to go.

Heaven is the perfect Kinja comment. Am I dead?

I too am way out of the dating pool (and when in, was in a the gay lady dating pool, which is a VERY different dating pool experience...the pool is smaller and the haircuts are asymmetrical-er and all the swimmers are up in each other’s lanes), but the experience of my straight female friends is vicariously extremely…

Yeah, Kimmy is like OG Meg Griffin.

Furiously writing the treatment for this film now.

Real life passive aggressive notes about Babysitters club? Most def.