Holy crap!

I used to have an old Plymouth Voyager that at one point had issues with the BMC that would cause the headlights to randomly come on while it was parked and turned off with the light switch in the off position.

If it’s like a cobalt, i thought it was the bcm, but I came to a weird conclusion that the main fuse, off the battery melted itself to the point that it wasn’t tripped, but would sometimes be an open circuit. The battery for the cobalt was in the trunk and the main fuse was to the left of it. It was a really weird…

Would have been easier to list what it doesn’t control. 

I have spent a lot of time with ‘90's and 2000's GM FWD vehicles.  And the amount of details here surprised the hell out of me.  I can’t wait to see what she finds.

This is more like “Justine”, her ugly cousin twice removed.

The BCM was the first thing I thought of, too. Random, seemingly unrelated failures is its calling card, and I had more than a few gremlins in the GTO because of harness* and connector damage.

*Fun “fact:” When the car was converted to LHD for America, there is a support bracket for the glovebox that’s in contact with…

Low tire pressure light. Check the rear left. Should clear everything up:

Hidden magic box that controls everything and goes haywire in environmental conditions found in the continental US. Sounds about right. Good call. I'd have been looking for bad grounds for hours before looking at a diagram and seeing what all the problems had in common.

BCM was going to be my suggestion as well

the ICM on my cobalt was the only thing that broke around 107k until i threw a rod at 208k.  that car held together well for as much abuse as i put it through.

Huh, thank you! I never considered the BCM!

BCM failure is very common in this era GM, too, as is failure of the BCM connector on the wiring harness.

Right! Look at that poor thing. It looks like a nerd that started hanging out with the popular kids right when they got into using coke.

Let’s all pour one out for that poor Solara convertible.

Outlander...on a steek.

It’s a Mitsubishi Outlander. Replacing the windshield may [T]otal the thing.

If they can keep the board, they can easily pay for a new windshield! /s

Gaddamnit!!! Now you’ve got me fan-fictioning a world where david tracy is the 007 of shitboxes and junkyards!!!

Steadying his massive elephant rifle against a well positioned rock, the ‘Housing and Zoning Inspector’ for Troy Michigan, calmly emptied his entire stockpile of high-powered ammunition into the engine block of the “Excursion” Jeep.