Except that he called TMZ to tell them he wasn’t going to the wedding instead of letting Meghan and the Palace handle the announcement, which seems really weird to me.

TOTALLY. But I also bet your shady relatives would make a point of un-removing themselves from your life if you were marrying into the royal family. Her half-sister, in particular, disgusts me.

Concern over my family embarrassing me is the only reason I never married into royalty.

Ugh. Meghan’s family (except her mom) seem like the WORST. She must be wishing they would all just go away and be quiet. Like, I have some shady relatives but they’re relatively harmless and thankfully removed from most of my actual life.

I would love to be a globe-trotting anything.

This fall on CBS...

Its CBS. You have to try hard to get cancelled.

He should have called it quits after Hitch. Hitch was peak Kevin James.

I’m just glad that no one else understood it either because I was wondering if I’d maybe had a stroke.

What?

I have no idea what’s going on here.

And here’s Obama’s tweet:

his goto uplifting Mother’s day thought is:

Mom’s build great arsenals?!?

Yes, it’s like asking, “Do I drink too much?” Then watching an episode of Intervention where a woman drinks an entire 12 pack of Bud Light on the morning bus ride to work and then saying, “No, I don’t drink too much.”

OK, but this is a plotline straight out of Orange is the New Black, right?

I bet she sent that many texts simply to light up her way as she was walking through Paradise Valley at night.

This is really the only one of those Vogue shorts that matters: