I’d rather eat Hot Pockets and masturbate in the dark than watch a UFC pay-per-view.

I caught the “highlights” of this thing on ESPN this morning. It consisted of showing 2 big ugly dudes humping and punching each other on the mat. WTF?

Seeing Fake Tits McGee get bloodied and humiliated was the highlight of my weekend. Congrats Amanda!

I think you are in the minority if you actually liked the card. All I’ve been reading mostly is how awful of a card it was.

Nunes/Tate was probably the best fight on the card.

Whatever you do, don’t ask why black people are held to suspicion. The only possible answer is racism. It certainly doesn’t have anything to do with their incredibly high crime and murder rates. In fact, it’s racist just to bring statistics up like that. Everything is racist all the time.

I could also point out that roughly 50% of homocides are committed by African Americans

Last year 306 Black people were shot by police. Oh yeah, last year 581 white people were shot by police. Play your Pokemon. Nobody cares.

That’s the best story you got in your contest? What came in second place, some guy who tried to sneak into box seats but got caught by an usher?

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Anderson Silva looks like he’s dreaming about Hot Pockets in that picture.

I could’ve been a great cyclist, but my love for Hot Pockets was TOO strong. Now I’m 300 pounds and happier than ever!

I once ate a Hot Pocket. GIVE ME TICKETS, ASSMUNCHERS!

This piece was pretty annoying. I’m a female and I enjoyed the episode, as well as the previous two. Please don’t use Jezebel as a podium to whine about things you don’t understand due to lack of interest. My unsolicited advice: If you don’t care, don’t write about it.

Kaley Cuoco looks dead inside.

Would YOU want to be alone on a yacht with Mark Cuban? Shudders.

At least her hair is long again. You’re doing one thing right, Kaley!

This guy is also an attentionhawk, and you are feeding him.

Fuck off, PC Bro.

Yes, because the most popular sport (soccer) in the world does not have elite talent aggregation by the top teams in every league except MLS.

Kevin Durant: The most notorious traitor since Finn.