“How do you know I’m not reading black poetry?”

When I want to explain to non-soccer people just how good Messi is, I show them this and say “That dude on the floor is Top 5 in the world at his position. The goalie that just got embarrassed is Top 5 all-time at his.”

Your last paragraph literally just described Iceland... So that already happened.

As a Patriots fan...

I’d argue that Scal-love has less to do with the fact that he’s white and more to do with the fact that he’s white AND objectively bad at basketball (for an NBA player).

Or because Floyd Mayweather is a genuinely horrible person?

No, you voted that way because you know that you’ll be fine with Trump as president. Some of us don’t have that luxury.

The reason that Obama and Clinton didn’t make underprivileged rural whites a priority was that they were never going to vote for a black or female president anyway.

America survived. Lots of Americans didn’t. The Civil War was only as bad as it was because of Buchanan. Johnson’s epic Reconstruction fuckup still hasn’t been fixed. If you think that everyone is going to get out of this alive, you haven’t been paying attention.

I’m predicting right now that Boston gets Cespedes and just banks on having enough OF depth to bump him to DH when his defense completely abandons him halfway through next season.

Except that when New England did legitimately awesome stuff tinkering with eligible receivers in the 2015 AFC Divisional Playoff against the Ravens, literally the rest of the league complained until NFL leadership made it illegal.

“Musclebound, horny shrimp”. I think you’ve found your next Gronk description.

The problem is that Ronaldo is humorlessly arrogant. That’s why people hate him, and love Zlatan. Because Zlatan makes his asshole entertaining.

The funny thing is, that’s actually a high bar to clear in the Deadspin comments.

EVEN TRUTHIER TAKE: I think that one’s on Blind. Pedro made a good run, but Blind just loses him and doesn’t communicate with Smalling to let him know that Pedro is behind him.

He’s not actually mishitting shots. Sometimes he just likes to hit the ball into the ground, especially on the volley.

Duckworth is totally Faramir, mostly because that makes Mark Kirk Boromir.

I mean, hedge fund managers are, by definition, management, so I don’t know why management would itself have a union.

Take your goddamn star. I hope you’re pleased with yourself.