I had some co-workers who recommended it to me. I finally just told them I could find better (or equally terrible) erotica online, for free. Plus, short stories mean you can deal with the shitty writing long enough to get off.

Maybe don't use it, then. Seriously, she expressed her opinion and experiences in a way you don't agree with, and you think that's so bad that she deserves to be called that? I've seen you before and always thought you were a decent person, but that is messed up.

Now that I know it's so easy to write a bestseller I'm going to get drunk and bang one of these out myself. Now taking suggestions on which supernatural characters I should use for my love triangle.

Women from South Dakota "OH JEEZ....OH CRAP.....OH JEEZ....OOOHHHH CRAAAPPPPP"

I like the use of "jeez" constantly. Who talks like that, especially during sex?

Oh it's real. I read half the first book in attempt to bond with my coworkers, it's so bad sooooo bad.

Remember when King Missile warned us all about the issues with a Detachable Penis? Well, it's the ladies' turn.

Are you trying to say yelling "gee willickers!" mid-coitus isn't sexy?

I wrote better smut as a 15 year old. This is just god awful.

I cannot even fathom that those words have been printed and bound for consumption by functioning humans. Oh. Jeez. OH FUCKING JEEZ.*

My clit was apparently at the Bed, Bath and Beyond just "looking to see if they had any good sales or whatever."

Goddamn it I swear if I trip over somebody's stray clit I will SUE. Put your clits on leashes if there's even a possibility that it will get up and trot off to the next county. Let's all be responsible clit-owners please.

How... many... goddamn... elipses... does... this... hack... use...?

I knew it was based on fan fiction but I had assumed that a bestseller would have writing slightly better than a 15 year old's Livejournal. My bad.

Suddenly the mysterious nature of the female orgasm makes sense. There I was trying to make something happen, and my clit was probably just off drinking dollar beers and cheating at pool.

For GODSSAKES do not give E.L. James anymore crazy ideas!

I will answer your question after I go check on my clit and make sure it's where I left it. Because obviously now this is a thing we have to worry about.

Wait, that's a real passage from the book? That's actually what the writing is like? Dear lord I'm embarrassed for our society.

Flushing tampons down the toilet is the real horror here. NOT SO SEXY WHEN YOU HAVE POOP WATER ALL OVER THE FLOOR AND YOU'RE TRYING TO GET A PLUMBER ON THE PHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING, CHRISTIAN, EH?