Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see...

It’s almost like people attempting to operate in a flawed system will produce flawed outcomes. And call me crazy but those people, like Kamala Harris, might have some insight into fixing those flawed systems. Wait, no, let’s just insist on PURITY!

I’m looking for an aluminum wrap that’s free of heavy metals and other chemical toxins. Is your product free of heavy metals and other chemical toxins?

Honorary mentions to Chick-fil-A nuggets, which are easy to reheat in the toaster oven and taste good enough as leftovers to help me forget the moral compromise I made in patronizing a company that is the top social justice priority of brain-diseased Texan governors.

Underrated reason to hate the Bosas: Their great-grandfather Tony Accardo was a degenerate greaseball mobster who literally inspired this classic moment of cinema history:

When immigrants start putting salmon in the fish tacos, you can build your damn wall.

Roger Ailes can’t get a corpse boner if you don’t smile, hon.

Donald Trump: I’m not a racist, but all these brown people come from shithole countries and they should go back to where they came from.

Marianne Williamson: I’m not an anti-vaxx, but vaccines are made by Big Pharma, which is scary, and therefore people are right to be skeptical of vaccination efforts.

I’m really surprised, in addition to her anti-vax positions (she’s absolutely anti-vax) and her gross views on weight loss and depression, that nothing has been made of the fact that her entire brand is built on cultural appropriation. She’s stolen a lot Eastern religion, stripped it of its theological/cultural…

Non-residency tuition ain’t cheap.

If I were a Bostonian that is exactly how I would talk. All the time. Even if I was a recent immigrant from one of the countries Trump hates or the blue-bloodiest Brahmin to ever accept a legacy admission to Harvard, I would learn to speak like a shit-faced extra from Good Will Hunting and always talk like that. In…

He learned that when the two men who own that charming and wholesome antiques shop outside Manchester referred to each other as partners they weren’t talking about the legal organization of their business.

I’m pretty sure this record executive guy is a giant douche because all record executive guys are giant douches. But Taylor Swift’s upset of this particular douchey record executive guy buying her masters smells like every celebrity everywhere who didn’t get something they wanted (specifically was outbid for something…

Are you suggesting they calm down?

“She is a winner who has lost so much...”

This is the MAGA philosophy at its purest essence. Winners and losers aren’t determined by the morally neutral act of winning and losing. Winners and Losers are preordained castes, determined (I suppose) by melanin levels and a willfully ignorant misreading of John Calvin.

To…

Many, many people say it’s totally unfair to me that I cannot nominate an ex-justice to replace the one that passed away. Substantial people are saying it. They come up to me and say: sir, why can’t you nominate someone to replace ex-Justice Steven? I’ve been asked that question, well, a tremendous number of…

This is an amazing non-sequitur.

My inability to acquire a taste for salmon is why I am fat. 

Too often, in this age of talking motion pictures and swing music, celebrity is mistaken for authority. We saw that again last month when it was learned that heavyweight Max Schmeling likely saved the lives of two Jewish children by hiding them in his hotel suite during Kristallnacht and helping them escape Germany.

The PGA is also a sporting concern that did not allow non-caucasian members until 1961.