We’re through the looking glass here, people.

Dec. 10, 1990. The Raiders came to the Silverdome for a Monday Night game. Bo and Barry each ran for 120+ yards and scored. Marcus Allen and Tim Brown also scored. So 4 Heisman Trophy winners scored in a single game. Also Willie Gault caught a 68-yard touchdown pass on the Raiders opening drive. The Raiders won 38-31.…

I attended a PGA event this summer and had more fun than I expected. So I decided to head over to the merchandise tent to get a hat or polo or something. Then I realized all the merch was basically a billboard for the tournament sponsor. Nothing about that was appealing to me. It’s kind of a bummer to know all sports…

You just know they are like 30-year-old tighty whities with legacy shit stains on them.

I sometimes wonder if Eric is the smart one. Relatively speaking, I mean. His grandfather, for whatever else (a Klansman) he may have been, was a rich guy with a low-key public persona. Maybe Eric figures if he keeps quiet and lets people think he’s Fredo, he can be mostly left alone to make lots of money while his…

Tyrus immediately regretting lending President Trump his phone.

I honestly wonder if he meant Melania or Ivanka.

That’s because Stevie Wonder isn’t blind!

Hi, I’m Roger Goodell, commission of the National Football League. Nothing is more important than the health of our young people. That’s why the NFL has partnered with the Jeffrey Epstein Foundation on an exciting program to provide young people with vaccines and other opportunities.

Take your God damn star. And if you’re Dave Parker, take that star and 999,999 more.

How long before Pence’s office is relocated to across the hall from Shelly Miscaviage at Gold Base?

I had a post-millennial relative (relative of my wife, actually) tell me last weekend that Kenny G. was the best musician of the 90s. Not Cobain or Ice Cube or TLC, Kenny fucking G. The guy who made mayo-infused “jazz” for Boomers who thought John Tesh was too edgy.

I’m completely shocked that a man who failed at selling football and gambling to Americans wasn’t impressive in his college admissions process.

Truly, comrade, you shall retire to the finest dacha.

I think Jezebel and vaping is like Ayn Rand and regular cigarettes. When you assert that every human action and behavior is inherently political, then you need to justify your worst habits as politically essential.

Rand couldn’t allow people to know she took irrational pleasure from smoking Lucky Strikes, so cigarettes…

I was saying Boo-urns.

This is absolutely shameful. More plans. Plans don’t work. If you want to solve income inequality, you have to manifest angels through positive thought. 

Beto O’Rourke served three terms in Congress and ran an impressive Senate race in a deep red state. I’m not voting for him for president, mind you, but he has a more impressive resume than a guy whose current job involves traffic planning for Notre Dame football games. 

I’m skeptical of the smarter, eviler Trump prevailing. It’s not out of the realm of possibility, but I don’t think it is likely. The x-factor for Trump is he spent his entire career as a media personality playing the role of Mr. Important Businessman. Larry King, Barbara Walters, Oprah all validated his charade for…

“If you look at the rhetoric now compared to the days when they were signing that agreement where it was always ‘death to America, death to America, we will destroy America, we will kill America,’ I’m not hearing that too much anymore,” Trump told Time. “And I don’t expect to.”