I don't like adults abusing children — but, WARREN!!!

That sounds awesome, you should totally do a video.

There's something about this metal guy banging out a solo while interacting with and laughing at his cat that is sorta sexy. Yeah, my mind goes there.

My cat came over to insist on love while I was watching this.

This makes me feel so poor. Will they have back-up dancers and a wind machine at the divorce hearing?

Every part of this is completely ridiculous. This makes me want to live on a deserted island with no contact with humanity for the rest of my days.

I wouldn't go as far as the truck guy, but people who use the left lane to idle along PISS ME OFF. The left lane is for passing. If you're going the speed of traffic, get the F over.

Dear jezebel,

This is going to be a random story. But I don't care. I lived in London when I was 21 or so and my friends and I spent a lot of time at Revolution, which I think is actually a huge chain. At the time it was a vodka bar where you could get flights of flavored vodka that all tasted like shit. BUT they had a cocktail you…

We sure did manage to get to the boringest final four possible, didn't we?

Translation: "We think your young daughter might be dressing like what we think we believe lesbians dress like. And since anything gay or lesbian makes us squeamish we will kick her out on some thread of an excuse that doesn't even make sense."

How hairy are you? Too hairy for an electric razor or wax? How long have you been doing it? How are you careful about timing and removal? Tell me all your secrets.

It doesn't look anything like a painting. It looks like shitty face paint that the internet sees literally every day and I can't believe I clicked on it. I expect a refund and a written apology.

That's fine Mark, I didn't plan on sleeping tonight anyway. No need to apologize.

Gawd contouring again.. Etss everywhere!!

omfg, it's amazing and haunting. Gaaaahhhh, she can do no wrong. I found this version:

I've been wearing shirts with my face on it for years.

David Guetta has been married for 22 years? Holy crap.

Looks like the employee benefits aren't the only thing that suck at WalMart.