I am looking to hire cooks and waitstaff for my newest restaurant - Punchie’s This Is How We Serve It.

This woman is THE WOOOOORRRRRSSSSSTTT.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Kim Davis’ understanding of religious freedom is seriously flawed. The marriage license only indicates that the couple has met the legal requirements to qualify for marriage. It does NOT confer religious acceptance of the marriage, so her religion isn’t being violated as far…

TL;DR but

“What were you trying to put it in, her purse?” - Rachel Greene on Friends

‪I had an unexpected affair three years ago.

so that I can seek out potential pussy options

What could the added value of a show entitled “What Men Really Think” possibly be? I’m bombarded with male opinions about things every day.

How is it possible for a person to be this wrong

Oh he’s definitely a subscriber:

With all due respect, if this is satire, it’s very poorly done. Most readers of this site are educated, bright, and quite humorous. If this was even a moderately well-written satire piece, more readers would have realized it.

Is that what was decided after the intended narrative didn’t catch on? LOL nice try.

The waitress’s exasperated manager, the bartender and two bus boys join in the search and they eventually find it - at the bottom of a full pitcher of water.

Unfortunately, stupid attitudes haven’t really changed in 50 years. Women were only allowed to compete in the bobsled starting in 2002 because they were deemed “fragile”.

Mah freeze peach! XKCD is always relevant:

Roger Miller's story is why I always overtip for delivery. I get pizza so hot I can't even eat it yet, and the Indian place sends a free dessert every time. Mmmm mango mousse. I don't get why anyone would be shitty to the person who is saving me from having to cook and wash dishes.

WHYYYYY do dudes think women give a shit about their dicks????? I absolutely, 100% do not care about your dick, unless I'm about to do something with said dick, in which case you will know I care about your dick because I will be paying attention to and directly referencing your dick. Like in what world is that…

We had been on a date and a half (the half date was he had asked for a ride home from something else, and then asked if we could just go to my place to watch a movie. I was too spineless to say no). He left shortly after to go to school out of state, and called me to tell me he had "received revelation" that we were…

In his case, he looks at all the gluten as he's eating it.