Hamilton: Wait, so ... I have to choose between Alex Jones or Chobani?

Who doesn’t? Titties are wonderful.

This guy is the epitome of bust! What were they thinking?????

Mitch was just 17 when he published that.

He should probably fire his social media team right now though.

With talk like that, Trubisky is a proven winner in the locker room.

Here’s some more reaction from Chicago!

*I* was saying Boodell.

In commenting, as in life, it never hurts to quote Rodney Dangerfield.

Ever wonder why the Patriots always move backward in the draft?

Also, how the fuck is Alyssa not the #1 Milano in the ranking? The fuck kinda bullshit is this?

As a Bruins fan, he was the best player to hate because it was hockey hate. You hated him for being so fucking good and being a pest for the Canadiens. But when he wasn’t playing, you couldn’t say a bad word about him as a human being. I am sure he’s got foibles. Now, Marchand is a genuinely shitty person, but I love…

Scientology is super extremely not for me, but a quip (I forget whose) comes to mind on the difference between whackadoodle cults and mainstream religions: “In a cult, there’s one guy at the top who knows it’s all bullshit. In a religion, that guy is dead.”

The Satanic Temple and Unitarianism seem pretty OK to me.

Follow Richard Deitsch on Twitter. He posts hilarious updates.

Barry Melrose is an odd hill to die on.

All I take from this comment is that if I ever have to share a flight with you I will absolutely storm the cockpit and fly that plane directly into the fucking ground.

Deadspin Blogger Struggles to Find Meaning of Life on Cold, Ever-Rotating Rock Floating in Emptiness of Space

I did not, but I did forget the customary disclosure. This mistake has been fixed.

Sorry, I don’t dictate my life choices based on the needs of random Internet assholes.