Congratulations on being able to afford living alone in New York.

I was going to write something about how Deadspin is a family, a dysfunctional, albeit fiercely loyal family.

I’ve had sex.

I have never liked a single thing about the Raiders and never will. The silver and black is also terrible, you gremlins.

Innocuous names can lull you into a false sense of security too, as evidenced by a friend once ordering a Three Philosophers and then just staring at the dank, dark brew that was presented to him.

His username implies that he likes macabre humor.

He can’t read this.

Could have been worse:

This is the worst post this website has ever done.

Don’t bring Jamie Nelson into this.

lmao

I don’t like the Diaz brothers.

yes

I’d bike if it wasn’t 100 degrees everyday/have staples still in from recent surgery.

I don’t get in my car without the app open.

Pork lends itself well to fruit, so things like lemon zest go a long way. However, I’ve derived great joy from olive oil/coarse salt/coarse pepper. Drop her in a super hot pan for a few minutes, flip and ditto, hit the 375 oven for 12 minutes (all cook times dependent on thickness, this one on half inch chops with no…

Has your publisher stipulated that you have to wear The Shirt? Because if not, we’re not showing up.

I know it’s only rock n roll, Buffer like it.

I know it’s only rock and roll, Buffer like it.