Oh man, if I worked in a hotel? I would be littered across every room.

I was once accused of doing cocaine in a PF Chang’s bathroom. No chances for this guy.

I always did the add salt to ketchup thing as a kid with no inspiration. Then I saw a John Travolta movie called White Man’s Burden in which he shows someone that. It was one of the first moments I ever saw something in media/pop culture that I do and had that deflating feeling like it’s not my thing anymore. So…

You’re askin’ for it, bub.

Give this man money.

Sweet potato fries are shit. Next.

If they’re trying to see what I look like when I crank one out, that’s on them and I am sorry they had to see that.

It’s funny, that way. We will think that to ourselves while waiting for a stall, but once we’re in it’s laid back city. I ingest a lot of spicy food and coffee, so maybe I’m just tired of the process.

Crawfish.

Most of us go flaccid after, so we have to take a break for a little bit. We can do yard work and send email in between.

I poop in maybe 3 or 4 minutes. I don’t enjoy as much as most others, so I get it out and go.

I just posted asking about her before reading this, so here’s our answer.

Doesn’t Chelsea Manning tweet a lot? That’s what’s always made me think they’re clear to under varying circumstances, but not like every one of them can and does.

You should ask most my friends from high school’s bathrooms if I’m uncomfortable about it.

Tobasco is shit. Next.

Ah, now we’re getting filthy.

Never.

You’ve got yourself a god damn deal.

Can’t stand the heat, get outta the deep fryer, pal.

I mean, I still contain myself, you lunatic.