Being in the northwest suburbs had some advantages.

I thought wives are supposed to be dork-clothes referees. Like, she didn’t see you pull that out of the closet and say “what is that? Hell no”. Or maybe it was a prank on you by omission.

Gah, I knew I had something out of sorts, but was too lazy to look it up. "You know this shit, just type it". Ah well.

re: the time of year for boning - during Hurricane Ike while living in Houston, my girlfriend at the time stayed over. No power or generator = no AC. It was summer in Houston.

Eggs have been undergoing new scrutiny lately, specifically in the way of the cholesterol issue. Cholesterol problems are now said to stem much more from poor diet/fat intake/the usual suspects than the cholesterol listed on the label. Eggs don't have much fat (I think mine are 8g each?). Besides, that's where the…

They should call his screening process The Sharper Images.

Sadly that was still the best throw by anyone wearing Mets gear during the game.

"Ach du lieber Gott" - Tïger Wööds

*shivers*

Man, is there a sport Brent Musburger won’t cover?

The old biblical principle was "Be fruitful and multiply." The new one is "Have as many children as will enhance your lifestyle."

"You'll rarely find homosexuals trying to force a Muslim baker to bake a cake for a wedding."

“Thanks for coming to the game and spending your time and money with us for the day. Here’s a fake ticket from 10 years ago, you dumb piece of shit”

Freedom Fireworks > Captivity Fireworks

Dad to the bone.

I don't think you're shitting right.

PAAAAAASSS!" at these kids in front of their parents on Saturday mornings

I remember the day I discovered sit-down wiping. My dad didn't teach me shit (pun INTENDED waaah).

Congratulations to this man for speaking like a shy 8 year old.