I don't need business cards for what I do, so I just introduce myself to people around here leading with fire warden.

Nah, all that happens is once a year, property management summons all the fire wardens for each tenant for an hour lunch-n-learn where a fire safety guy says stuff that I don't listen to.

That really stings.

Oh.

Speaking of bad comments...

I've got a Louis' Hunch they suck. Owned.

I'll be the judge of that.

I do, however, have a sweet orange mesh vest with reflective strips.

I'm calling the police.

In your opinion, who's the best and worst sports broadcaster currently? (any sport)

In the event of a fire, there's supposed to be a drill captain on every floor who makes sure everyone has evacuated the building

I've been hearing about Louis' Lunch for years, in particular how they are the purported inventors of the hamburger. I don't know how they are since I've never been, but they can be the inventors all they want, if I'm getting a burger it will have some type of mustard, pickles, onions in any form, something spicy, and…

Ah, well good thing I only send normal garbage through the mail.

I've used this website called Google a few times, it can tell you all kinds of things, pretty cool. You could try typing it there and see what happens.

Maybe I'm an idiot, but the tennis ball thing isn't something I'd say is "creepy". That definition doesn't match for me. Weird as absolute holy hell? Oh yeah, but creepy...I'm not seeing it.

Damn, I don't think I've ever had a romantic gesture backfire. Sadly, I can't tell if I'd rather have something like these happen to me or the awkward sexual shortcomings that already have.

Not that it was(?), but that couldn't have looked more intentional if he walked towards him, called out "David Blatt!", and then chucked it dodgeball style.

From a New York Times piece on how the Giants prepare balls for Eli Manning:

First, equipment managers explain to him what a ball is, then progress to describing a football specifically. Once Eli figures out propelling the ball forward in pre-game warmups, he will get suited up.

That accent mixed with too much wine is a treat for all of us. Good job, woman that has to be named Barbara but goes by Barb.

Gotta keep those hammies loose.