This one made me laugh. Good work.

I’m absolutely outraged. This is completely ridiculous, out of place, and inappropriate.

Sometimes only a few minutes after it was on the way in.

I’d forgotten that some people’s desires were so deeply disturbing since Mark left, tbh.

Most of the time the one sentence we say actually includes every single instruction.

I once watched my birth control pill fall onto the counter, evade my desperately scrabbling hands, and roll into the toilet. I cried, and then I put the lid down.

This is the only correct answer. Toilets have lids for a reason!

“Important fashion man” is the name of my band.

that was you?!

I have been trying to get my partner to do this ever since we moved in together. Lid down should be default setting- that’s why it’s bloody there!

I'm not proud I laughed at that...

Jolie was there for me in my greatest time of need: when my dog shit on the floor and my Roomba ran through it while I was home sick with the norovirus.

Hate starred for snort laugh and immediate shame.

oh my GOD

I think it is obvious the Hulk has already started to shake things up a bit now that he has occupied the corner office.

Oh my god. I feel bad for laughing, so fuck you.

Agreed, what with the many things that seemed like pranks this week (what’s that, Trump wants to punish women who get abortions?!) I was dreading today, but this has been a gift. I have gotten next to no grading done this morning.

Kill them.

This can only improve the food and alcohol opinion pieces.

I wanna train my hamster to find me ludes.

There’s GOTTA be like, one or two left that aren’t at the bottom of Hefner’s bathrobe pocket.