if only someone hadn’t borrowed Jacob’s ladder

I can attest from when I flopped on my face trying to do the loop that it is not fake, but should be outlawed.

I still have a good four visible scars on the right side of my body from that death trap of a slide from 1996

So that explains my sudden rise in OPS circa 2013-2014 and my lack of production since signing a big contract a few years later

Not even Manassas

Tomorrow it’s strictly Crosby, Nash and Young

In unrelated news: the championship trophy will now be known as The Kid Rock Cup

He’s still on The Fan from 3-6:30 but does exclusive app stuff from time to time

Breaking: Billy Hamilton traded to the Blue Crabs

Which is the thesis statement of Mets things

As much as Diaz enjoys blowing saves, this particular game was tied when he did his usual thing.

Duck auto-correct strikes again

He washed it!

All 13 seasons with the Nationals?

I guess since the Mets have actually played winning baseball since July, we have to somehow connect a rat being in another team’s park to them still being a joke.

This would only ever happen with Todd Frazier 

Sister Patterson!

So you’re saying you’ll throw on a tank top and then shoot someone for knocking on your window? Also, there’s no Waffle Houses in New York.

Or they could just bring him back in the off season if they like (they won’t)

And somehow the Mets got back better talent than when they dealt Seaver to the Reds