I am not the only evil person on Twitter who was kind of hoping he would jump.

C’est un homme who doesn’t have le temps for your merde, Donald.

I can see it now, Merkel will go up to Trump and extend her hand to grab him by the balls, ‘cause when you are famous, you can do that’

It’s okay if you don’t come visit us, we don’t really want to be here either.

Just imagine how I feel.

I’m not happy with myself that I laughed at this.

Yes, it’s very important for us as Americans to commemorate the treason against the United States in order to keep human beings as slaves. Because there are Nazi statues all over Germany oh wait

Yeah. I look at the marriages around me and sometimes I think, “I’m good.”

I guess they couldn’t run out on to the fields with the white hoods on for safety reasons?

This would all be a lot funnier if I didn’t hate the pens so much.

1. The coffin lid was open

The banned fan’s seat will henceforth be filled by a statue of the fan.

I smoked weed the entire month of April so I got Miley covered.

Polo and hypertension

Give him a break that was the most honest press conference he’s given to date.

Yeah sorry but that’s not an ejection. Incidental contact on someone who fell into him.

You don’t have to be here.

A hockey game almost broke out in the middle of that fight

This is what happens when you guys who’ll probably never make it in the pros and then make them play on teams named the Solar Bears and Everblades in the middle of Florida, guys come to the rink already angry as fuck.

There once was a man from Nantucket
His child was born he said ‘Fuck it’
Back to work he would roam the wife back at home
Spewing hot takes til his ass kicks the bucket