I was hoping I'd figure out how my turds could resemble these:

Can we just stop doing it? I'm ready to tell my employer (and y'all should too) that I'll Spring forward this once and won't be observing Standard time come the Fall... is it a law that we have to observe it? If everyone ignored it, wouldn't it go away?! If not, guess my 8 hours will start and end differently…

I keep saying; I'd rather be alone and miserable than in a miserable relationship.

I'd liked to have been introduced to this material in high school. Parents, it should probably start with y'all; but since teens don't listen to your advice it really should be a prerequisite for college.

For several reasons I won't divulge, I've never been a fan of the day, myself. I'll show/tell you I love you no matter what day of the year it is. That being said, I always enjoyed giving homemade cards to ALL* of my classmates when I was in elementary school (even though I didn't get one from everyone in return.)…

"But what if — and I'm from the midwest so I know these people exist — being polite is your true self?"

Oh how I wish I could wear red like these ladies...

So I should be adding the "inability to reproduce" to my resume!

Perhaps Alinea should have used this excuse?! "After all, the Queen doesn't allow babies at her table."

"Can someone zip me up?"

239th most popular name for me in the year I was born! Thanks for sharing the SSA link...

I have breasts, I've had "lumps" removed, I'm all too aware of cancer every goddamn day of the year! The money I save on not purchasing pink branded products (Yoplait I glare at you) is donated to worthy charities (not large corporations) in any month.

Aside from chopping it all off or the occasional dye job I have let me wavy, curly, frizzy, red hair do whatever the fuck it wants since the frustration of trying to achieve 80's Hair Bear. Wash 2-3 times a week, a little B&B Calming Curl Cream, and my fingers are my only styling tools nowadays! (And that refreshed…

Turn on and place vibrators in all the crevices and you've got a magic fingers bed!

Any guy that posts pics of himself with other women for his online dating profile picture is not someone who I'd ever consider dating. I also find photos of men shirtless, at bars with drink(s), photos from too far away to clearly recognize him, or in costume not suitable mates. C'mon, we look at photos first and then…

Is it a sign that I'm "too old" because I don't recognize most of the stars mentioned?

I couldn't be more pleased at the results. I have no side effects! It was an outpatient surgery, with only one day of rest after (although I scheduled it on a Friday morning to give myself plenty of time to recuperate.) I had it done over a year ago and have only had two miniscule spotting episodes since. My…

Lucky me, I was a candidate for an endometrial ablation; freeing up my sick days to actually be used for communicable illnesses...

I'm one of the lucky ladies that can vaginally orgasm... and it's the guys with the average to small penises that make it happen (again, and again, and again!)

A sub-par sexual experience isn't always the guys fault either...