Timmy Kurkjian is a national treasure.

Watching Tim Kurkjian wheeze in the morning gives me hope for a good day.

Dear Flying Spaghetti Monster, please help me to un-see and un-think the awful euphemisms mentioned by SailbadTheSinner, and forgive me for wondering if “noodly appendage” has been Harlequinned yet. R’amen.

Yes, as did everyone else on staff.

Like eating potato chips - I still have 1000 pages to go.

Oh no, now it is I who want to hang out with your friends, because THEY sound fun. Plus I’m blessed with genetically driven low cholesterol so nothing on that menu would have really affected me, except for my waistline.

I was working at a margarita bar on the water, so winter was slow. We relied on our regulars, a few of which were a group of late twenties bro dudes who would come in for nachos and fish bowl sized margaritas. They were generally ok, except they LOVED to flirt with all of the female staff, despite none of us being…

I am going to start calling my husband my “caliente love bundle.”

you can tell when someone has never worked retail, because they don’t recognize “the back” as a place that retail employees go to hide for 5 minutes on the pretense of looking for something they know doesn’t exist

“They didn’t just buy one book, they’d buy a dozen and be back a week later to buy a dozen more.”

“Chalky Death = my new band name.”

When I managed a Borders we were also responsible for this small calendar kiosk on the other side of the shopping center. I was there covering someone’s lunch break and this crazed woman came over demanding why we had no bichon frise calendars. The dog calendar people were always the weirdest.

I was way more of a smart-ass when I worked in a bookstore, since my manager was always job hunting and couldn’t have cared less. During the height of the “Twilight” craze, right when the last book and the first movie had been released, we were sent a metric ton of merch, including those SweetHearts chalk-flavored…

Dear contributors to today’s BCO, I’d like you all to know that you’re the wind beneath my wings, & an inspiration to us all. I promise to skewer a troll in honour of each & every one of you.

I've been looking for an alligator and party hat restaurant for AGES. Now I know where to find one!

Coach must have a bad temper if it takes only one Kelvin to make him reach the boiling point.

16” rifles aren’t archaic. There’s still nothing that can throw Volkwagens 26 miles as effectively or efficiently.

I actually prefer the idea of an entirely autonomous vehicle to one that I have to drive myself, but occasionally takes an essential aspect of control away from me. At least with an autonomous vehicle I can relax with a nice scotch and the paper while my car just gets me where I want to be.

*rubs eyes* Weekend BCO? WEEKEND BCO!!!