My friend is convinced that their marriage is just PR, because no sane woman would willingly have children with Ben Affleck and expect him to be monagomous.

I just went into a startled coughing/laughing fit at the very thought.

Oh God. How many times do you think Ben made her watch each Matt Damon movie?

A friend of mine once shook Bill Clinton’s hand at the White House. This is the story of hearing that story...

That’s one of Marge’s lines in The Talented Mr. Ripley.

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner got drunk one night and murdered someone for sport.

“He’s still the only person who really knows the truth about things. And I’m still the only person that knows some of his truths.”

Sorry. Sounds really hard. My thoughts: Walk. You’ll be glad you did.

Just found out my wife’s been cheating for eight fucking years. Marriage pretty much done. Haven’t pulled the trigger yet on divorce but kinda have too.

It’s articles like this that make it hard for me to go outside.

That was definitely the worst story. Leave our movies alone Ted Cruz!!!

I’m claustrophobic too, to the point I can’t take elevators, ever- but it occurs to me I might do okay if I could see out. The song might inspire pure Pavlovian rages should I hear it later in life however.

This is why I carry a bottle of Xanax!

Starred for username/comment synergy.

Panic disorder here! You and I could be the person apparently having a panic attack on one of the other levels.

that’s their punishment for going to fucking sea world. dicks

I’m claustrophobic and I despise that song. I would probably have a stroke. Those poor people.

Hahaha! My great grandma would say that firstborn children can come at any time. The rest take 9 months.

oh my god, my incredible crush on Seth Green just came raging back. ohhhmygod.