Fixed! 

Or “Future social media intern for the Trump administration”

“You think maybe we should double-ch—”

Goddamnit...I don’t have very high expectations for Mizzou, or Missouri, or humanity in general, but nice to know I can still be surprised.

They should post another one that says: “I am a former social media account manager.”

So I am speaking from long experience when I say that the Washington bandwagon is very likely to be the most insufferable one ever to come rolling down the pike.

you poor bastards, at least there’s comfort in knowing it’ll all be over soon.

Considering he looks like a penis, no one should be surprised that he acted like a dickhead.

To be fair, Bradley was in a hurry, as he still needed to feed and get back to his coffin before the sun came up.

I can’t watch your embedded videos if I’m subjected to your autoplay videos AT THE SAME TIME. I’m getting pretty peeved!

When did Lex Luthor start coaching soccer?

“We have our new assistant GM!" - The Houston Astros 

This will somehow end with Taubman on the $20

If he made the trip with the team, he’s already in town! Get that man a desk!

Complete with a statement about how he’s now free of all the SNOWFLAKES and LIBERAL FASCISTS who got him fired because they hate FREE SPEECH.

Scherzer and Strasburg and Baby Shark are pretty easy to root for though! 

I mean, I don’t expect everyone to fact check their jokes, but it’s pretty widely known that Texas’ big cities are Democratic strongholds..

In every photo of him, all I see is Don Jr.

I, too, wish I was a little bit taller.

Same here. At 6'4 I feel like I’m right on the cusp being able to function in normal society without extreme discomfort. I’ve hit my head on things that “normals” never have to worry about.