Let Sunderland win at least one thing. Even if it is shit catching...

Junior probably didn’t get a good read on her intentions.

International Soccer (Commodore 64) and Zork

Surprising, usually he just spins away from pressure.

Wrong. This was the best goal of the weekend. #youreds

Well, thankfully we suck. That should take some pressure off the kid so he can commit to handing us our asses in future matches.

“Reports: Failure to Move Back to Long Island After Things Didn’t Work Out in Brooklyn”

Can’t wait to watch him when he makes it to Boca Seniors.

Nice to see that Suarez makes it back to England occasionally.

A younger Brady would’ve been able to duck the question about the relationship running afowl.

I have a feeling he grasps air when reaching inside his fly too.

“The neck is a little thick (and the hips a little thicc)...”

Moorinho.

Are we honestly surprised it blew up in their faces?

“I’m glad I’m not actually famous. Not cut out for this shit.”

I think Dad voice has evolved over time. My kid likes soccer and usually hears, “Keep working hard. Play together.” This interests me because my dad’s Dad Voice always sounded more like, “You’re suffocating! Get your head out of your ass.” Generational filter I guess...

With that many teens on the field Roy Moore will be pushing for MLS expansion into Alabama.

We’ll enjoy watching Fellaini patrol the West Ham midfield with the demeanor of an ADHD riddled giraffe and the touch of an oak credenza.

My 7 year old used Everton when playing FIFA 18 this weekend. His only question was, “Why do they suck now?” From the mouths of babes...

Holy shit, I’m a boring, middle-age dad and my social media gets more action than Screamer these days. I left for year, returned in the grays, and this place is a fucking ghost town. Deadspin/Screamer People, please do something to unfuck this situation. Screamer was a hell of a lot of fun. There were a lot commenters…