NOBODY SPEAKS ILL OF SPACE JAM (AKA ANIMATION/LIVE ACTION MIX’S CITIZEN DAMN KANE) YOU BASTARD!

It’s also important to consider that Letang launched and left his feet in the process.

My dad wanted me to go into porn. As I received my degree in mathematics, I looked into the audience and saw him crying into his hands.

The silent, context-less GIF is much funnier than the actual skit.

“Anyone can make a decent first round pick.”

Terrell Owens is shaking his head in disgust. Such a waste.

Actually, she left him. Every time she went to get a drink from the kitchen he would scream “ICE!”

Careful now. His last girlfriend became really good at sex due her time with Tom. But she blames the stress from that relationship as the cause of her torn labia.

Remember when First Take had segments other than the Skip and Steven A show? There was this one god awful segment called couch potato where a fat guy elbow deep in a bag of chips gave recommendations on the best sports watches in the coming days. It was utter dreck.

That’s a pretty long sentence.

I mean who doesn’t look at Matt Flynn and think to themselves “that is what I aspire to.”

This is demonstrably untrue. I watched Arrieta’s last start. He was throwing 140 MPH and breaking swung bats in half. So you need to check your facts.

The Blackhawk bandwagon is the most obvious bandwagon of all time. You couldn’t even watch the games on damn television locally a decade ago. Couldn’t be a fan even if you wanted to.

The world of takes just got colder today.

Why does his hat say BATHING APE? What the hell does that even mean? Do apes bathe? This press conference raises far more zoological questions than it answers.

Also the number of wins the Cardinals will have this year.

Please. Its pretty clear that he ran to the clubhouse to avoid taking a bouncer to the nuts on a pickoff attempt.

There is a hell of a lot more gray area in PI than there is in tripping though. If the stick hit the puck in the above GIF, he is free and clear. He did not though, so its a penalty.

The simplest solution: Marry someone you trust, who is not an idiot with money, and who makes more than you.

This kind of logic always bugs the hell out of me: