If I saw this asshole anywhere near anywhere I was going — even if it was to an airport gate to board a plane to see my dying mother for the last time — I would turn around and head so quickly in another (ANY OTHER) direction that it would take cartoonists to depict it.

Turning around and showing his asshole to the Karl hologram.

Did he sniff his fingers afterwards?

I hope that, in the middle of an interview, she turns into Paula Prentiss in the original Stepford Wives, in that scene where she gets stabbed and just goes around dropping dishes and repeating the same thing over and over. But Stabbed-Megan would keep saying, “Fuck you, Rand, you whiney little bitch. Why are white…

Mind = BLOWN. God’s only true secret is the secret of perky blondeness!

Oops! I read that as “clown car,” and yes, I’ve had as many drinks as the rest of you, but maybe it’s made me SEE HIDDEN TRUTH.

“Anything that puts forward and develops and says, you know, what there is something special about life and there’s a role for government, I’ve supported,” he said.

Or we could arrange for men to bleed from their genitals. Easy-peasy.

We take them out and fluff them in a special, secret room with a full bar — we do this while we menstruate and laugh at men.

Men’s pillows have a cutout space in which they rest their penis. Therefore, the pillow takes less stuffing and costs less.

Perfect solution! I have astounding dance moves. (“Astounding,” not “impressive” or “arousing,” but still ... I deserve a free meal for effort and creativity.)

Yes, that’s always been my rule, and Miss Manners agrees — you pick the place, so you’ve picked the price, and you’d never make someone pay whom you’ve invited to your home.

Perfect, but I think HE should buy the booze — consider it "tuition."

Yes. 1) Get a journal 2) Grow the fuck up 3) Take a writing class, so you don't just sound like a 14 year old girl whose favorite rock band released a disco single 4) THEN write if you want to, and still NOT about your ex.

It's his face. You're welcome.

Good for you!!! I lost a lot of weight at one point and HATED it because I looked like my sister and not like ME. People get so pissed when women are satisfied with themselves. My father adored my mother ‘til the day she died. She had eight children and LOOKED like she had eight children, but she was always the…

I wish someone had replied to Mike that using hair dye and plugs at his age is ridiculous and he should try to have some dignity.

God can be real for you and not for other people, and that’s not an attempt to make God unreal for you. And by the way ... there are thousands of ways of understanding and conceiving God, none of which affect your conception, either. So, people doing yoga might be just as much people of faith as you are — so go clutch…

Because they're sanctimonious assholes who can't conceive of anyone disagreeing with them or wanting something they don't want.