Why do I always want to see what these people LOOK like? Nine times out of ten it’s exactly what you would expect — like the slack jaw Indiana pizza shop owner. Some people just LOOK STUPID. I bet exercise of any kind never crossed these people’s minds.

In them heathen “yoga pants”?

Exercise is un-American, therefore anti-Christian.

Jesus ... what a coven of assholes. I hope this is costing them serious cash.

I've actually had a BMI of 18 percent, and was nowhere near being skinny or malnourished. I completely appreciate the intent of this law, but they're using the wrong measurement.

Ithaca, NY. Waterfalls everywhere, very gay- friendly and Eco-conscious. Also home to an Ivy League university, so there are great books, movies, concerts, and theatre events all the time, and ethic restaurants and groceries in abundance. I rest my case.

They definitely both spent all of high school and college hanging by the elastic in their underwear from a gym locker door.

YES!!! My father was always sure to have a good supply of small bills on hand, and always was sure to give them out even when they weren't strictly required. He'd always tell workmen to go have a beer or a sandwich on him. He didn't consider himself an educated man, but he went to college on the GI Bill after WWII and…

But carrying little cards is haaaard! And no one carries a little card telling them what Iiiiii neeeeed!

She's resorted to sanctimony in order to excuse being cheap, callous, and stupid.

Neither entails taking off your socks — so both are better than my current method.

I love it when people admit in so many ways to being both bitter and an idiot lacking in basic skills and still go on to imply that they should be heard. I also love it when people write opinion pieces when they can't fucking WRITE.

... and if you cook asparagus like broccoli, it tastes more like prunes than rhubarb does.

That last line about the funding for the lawyer just made my blood boil.

I was gonna say "panty sniffer," but "sheepfucker" is good too.

I have this problem with just being polite, and saying "thank you" a lot. Is the world so populated with assholes that simply not saying "hey Shithead, gimme coffee and an egg, and make it fucking fast or I'll shit on your fucking mother" is construed as flirting?

i think I love you.

I just want to thank you for the phrase "old, sniffin' rando."

Plus, the fuchsia room is a locked, SECRET room that can only be accessed through a bookcase stacked with only other crappy fiction. And she has victims chained to the walls who scream in pain as she makes them listen to each sentence she writes read out loud.

You forgot feminism and "elitist," but very well done.