In these insane times we now live, watching NewmotherfuckingYORK and Sonja with a sexy J brunching and talking shop (and by shop I mean vaginas) is just so very EVERYTHING I need. The perfect pallet cleanser and ray of LIGHT!

Ex Arau’s wife, Laura Esquivel, author of Like Water from Chocolate, an awesome book, has a lot to say about him too, he is not so nice.

I’m glad he mentions New Guinea because of course that’s the main drawback to cannibalism. Also the liver. Unless you’re eating a vegan you really shouldn’t consume the liver of a human or any animal that eats other animal-byproduct. But then this is why I keep my Vegan friends around, despite their…

same thought.

I think he likes to talk tough to compensate for the fact he’s terrified of stairs.

Tom is that good-looking guy that you can’t believe is single. And halfway through the first date you realize that there are many valid reasons that no one wants to date him.

Yep.

Non-disabled people are fucking ridiculous. They expect disabled people to be helpless shut-ins who are incapable of independence or variation amongst each other.

I saw the photo of that sign and shrieked. SO GOOD.

But some would say that revoking 100,000 visas is a small price to pay to prevent another Bowling Green Massacre, an event which was so tragic and horrible that it doesn’t even seem real...

Weird on the box wine thing, because I’ve just switched to that in the last week. Come home from work. Push the li’l button. Fill my glass. Crash on the couch. Repeat last two steps.

Suddenly, I feel a lot less embarrassed by every embarrassing thing I’ve ever done.

What’s your age again?

I made us a present!

I am a horrible hostess.

Dear Matthew McConaughey:

“Cold butt plugs?”

Donald Trump: *falls down a flight of stairs, confirming his biggest fear that his hands really are small, too small in fact to properly hold a railing and support his jiggly self*

Eh, as a fairly recent college grad I can say that some students will get violent over anything as long as the weather’s ok. World Series victories, football team wins, the spring concert, Tuesday... you get enough in an area hyping each other up and SOMEONE will escalate it about 25% of the time.