There used to be a woman named Mary (not her real name) in our accounting office who used to semi-jokingly say that the company wouldn’t dare fire her because she had a ‘doomsday’ file.

Someone mailed a library book in a frozen pizza box with smears of toppings still inside. The library displayed it in a cabinet at the entrane with the sign “How not to return a book”.

I think Kahless would look just darling in a jug of sangria.

You seem like the kind of person who’s unknowingly ingested gallons of bodily effluvia & floor sweepings over the years.

You clearly have no idea how shifts work at cheapass restaurants. Here is how my job works:

this is four. minutes. long.

yeah, had to deal with a hotel guest once who was a complete asshole. like asking to have porn charges taken off his room every day during his stay because “obviously he didn’t watch it, it was a mistake, he turned it off after 2 minutes” (dude, we know that’s not a “mistake” and now we know why you are alone) and…

literally

This only works in long form. For an obnoxious regular, you give them decaf for a week and then switch them back to full octane for a couple of days. Repeat as needed.

I’m certain that attaching the card to the wallet via rubber band instead of something more secure was absolutely intentional.

“None of my friends are famous and not because of any other reason than I just like real people who are living real lives, because I’m inspired by them.”

Do you think Miley does drugs tho.

Not watching the video? Good call. Great as a matter of fact.

Somehow that was worse than I thought it would be. The whole video was just her mouth, yet I imagine they spent more money on this than I did on my p.o.g. collection.

The “drop ID in the mail” thing is technically true, in that the post office treats the ID as non-mail found in the mailbox and makes an effort to return it to the owner. At the library we regularly get packages of library books that someone dropped in a mailbox, and with only the library stamps as a guide, they’ll…

A lot of us at Starbucks would use decaf or different percentages of milk as that. Is it weaksauce? Yes. But sometimes it was the only thing we had.

Pretty routine coffee justice, actually.

I would do anything for meatloaf, but I won’t do that.