Involves him just lying there and providing +2 sexual damage.

I thought I wanted to know what Pat meant by “all those sex things” but there is no telling when it comes to him. He probably has his own sex move. The PatRob(TM)

Kendall was once pregnant with Scott’s baby, but she sacrificed it to the Seven Gods of Calabasas. Scott’s baby is now in Kylie’s womb, and it will remain there until she too decides to send it back to the Great Seven, who will then consume its soul and grow even more powerful.

He is killing it in Penny Dreadful. 19th century, Texan accent Josh Hartnett can get it.

Wait, Kylie and Kendall are two different people?

I am so confused. I thought Kendall was pregnant with Scott’s baby. I sense some kind of freaky eugenics program in play.

Everything she writes is my favorite thing I’ve ever read

Mallory Ortberg is the shit. If she thinks dude should be gone, I’m glad dude is gone. End of story.

Wow. Fantastic baby.

My husband’s uncle is a pilot and used to make extra money towing messages when he was younger - my favorite story of his is of the time some rich guy hired him to fly along the beach in the Hamptons towing a sign saying what a dick some other rich guy was. For hours.

hahahha Stephanie March. Props. That is hilarious.

Would it be a crazy suggestion that we instead also make boys obsess about being likable?

I would be the clown that sits on these wrong, causing them to render up their bloody liquor like a squeezed sponge.

Unholy Clots needs to be an all-female punk band name.

My “heavy flow days” require all black clothing and incontinence pads, coupled with dark sheets and a towel layer. These Thinx must be for the delicate flowers who sprinkle instead of gush unholy clots.

sure, when i do it, it’s “weird” and “ruins the mood,” but when NICKI MINAJ does it...

I’ve had orgasms (very rarely with the menfolk, but I’m good with myself), but if Nicki wants to teach me how to climax better I am absolutely down. She’s so fucking gorgeous and boss.

SHE IS JUST THE MOST PERFECT.