I get the feeling that you haven’t been enjoying this JezSpin switch

I never knew I was a Larry Bird fan until right this minute

The piece you wrote about umbrellas was, by far, the best thing I’ve read all day, so at the very least you can stay.

Who the fuck names a cat Jesper?

for real

They are what the amazing ladies at Go Fug Yourself like to call bootaloons.

me, all day on Deadspin today

I’d like to take this moment to move to make all business deals need to be confirmed over a rousing game of chess from here on forth.

Putin him in his place?

I actually for real cannot tell the difference between Jamie Dorner and Henry Cavill. For the longest time I’d see Cavill, be like “what terrible movie is this guy in? Ohhhh 50 shades”. I still can’t really tell them apart until someone mentions one of their names. They should play evil twins.

This this this this this so much. FC is demonstrably bullshit. Assisted communication *can* definitely be great for people with physical disabilities who don’t have mental disabilities or who have less severe mental disabilities - people who have ALS, for example. My grandmother had a degenerative nerological disease…

Is this the same professional snuggler that tried out for America’s Got Talent last season? It was weird then, and even weirder now. I have so many questions. Is she actually a prostitute? Does she really just snuggle? $320 a night for snuggling!?!?! I don’t get it.

Shouldn’t have read that essay at work. While I’m not a comedian, I really identify with feeling unlovable and just latching on to the first thing that stays - I’m pretty sure the man that abused me saw it and exploited it. The desperate desire to feel loved made me so vulnerable to him.

Judging by my horribly cold hands and feet unless I’m under a heat lamp, and my inability to keep my skin properly moisturized, I’m pretty sure this is me.

I’m just glad to have found the only other person on the internet who remembers Princes of Malibu

She’s giving me serious Courtney Love circa Hole 1994 vibes here. Minus, y’know, the herion use and the serious tinge of cray that Courtney has

An abortion is something that a wanton slut gets so that she can have consequence-free sex, usually performed by a cackling lesbian socialist at Planned Parenthood while Slayer plays over the intercom.

We’re so vulnerable to upselling. All PP employees started out at Macy’s learning how to talk people into buying diamonds when they wanted cubic zirconium, and worked their way up to the big leagues talking people into abortions when they wanted screening STD tests.

Hey, soul sister. 24 year old Girl Meets World lover, here.