I’ll see your Cincy and raise you Sioux City, Iowa. The most wretched place on God’s green earth.

Minor nitpick, but resentment at the flyover shit played a role in saddling us with He Whose Name Shall Not Be Uttered in Nov. 2016. So kindly cut it out.

Well what else are they going to defend, the Browns?

This was awesome, but you need to lose in the playoffs.

1. EVERY state has amazing pizza from a certain point of view. Pizza is extremely difficult to fuck up.

Fuck taking away their verified badges, take away their fucking accounts. Twitter’s free. They didn’t pay anything, Twitter doesn’t owe them anything.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: The worst day that happened in the history of professional wrestling was the day that WCW died.

This site rails against the evils of capitalism all the time, and still force-feeds entire articles of advertisements down our throats. And you’re surprised that they’re being hypocritical?

All the “libtards” and “snowflakes” in the world won’t change the fact that you and your family will never set foot in a four-star restaurant.

Cross your fingers, bro. We ain’t there yet.

This is going to seem hilarious in five months when the economy does what EVERYONE is predicting and crashes. Hard.

“I, Slider6294, am a worthless piece of shit, and my mother should have had an abortion”

One more bad thing about 2017: Your trailer didn’t burn to the ground with your children inside of it. That would have been very good.

This much is certain: If Mueller is fired, then we have a serious fucking flaw in our Constitutional mechanism that needs to have a wrench taken to it.

That will be changing in 5 years.

Yup. Unlike 2016, the light can at least be seen on the horizon.

“Don’t try and make me feel better. This sucks.” —Carl, from ATHF.

It’s amazing how many parents would have their lives be easier if they learned the magic words “No, you can’t have it.”

You forgot no. 4: Commit crimes. Which is more common than you want to admit.

1. Distracting the masses with holidays has occurred since the first harvests created the whole concepts of labor and income inequality.