Yeah, I agree that his passive aggressiveness is horrible. I wouldn't be so quick, however, to discount her own passive aggressive behaviour with her constant excuses that don't actually address what are clearly underlying issues that are getting to her and causing her to pull away from her husband.

It is also important that she initiate intimacy with her husband as well.

But why is he solely responsible for understanding, as you say, "the real reason" for why they didn't have sex? She is giving reasons that no one here, myself included, actually believe, and yet he is awful because he can't interpret them?

Actually, I think it's precisely because the wife DOESN'T suck that we are all reading about this now.

Ehh... if she's stressing about weight gain, she's not likely having sex outside the marriage.

Well, creating and delivering this spreadsheet seems to indicate that he's ready to do something.

AMEN!

But the majority of her refusals have to do with the way she feels "gross" or "sweaty" or "tired". She doesn't indicate any problem with the sex at all. Nor does she initiate sex. How is he supposed to read her mind? She's taking her excuses at face value, as he should. Her excuses, however, indicate that she is not…

(In fact, it's often the indicator of great sex.)

Yeah, we are beasts to expect openness, honesty, and intimacy.

I agree that he does, but clearly she does too. Turning him down without discussing these underlying issues leads to, well, his response.

Lots of people would.

And it would be great if she had that conversation with her husband instead of turning him down to watch a rerun of Friends.

Sure, you are absolutely correct. But the same goes for her. No where is there an indication that she has initiated sex with her husband.

I disagreed with the poster above with the "work for the relationship" phrase, but I do think that everyone needs to work to maintain a relationship. She absolutely needs to work on carving out time for intimacy with her husband. Turn the TV off. Take a shower after the gym. Or discuss the root of what's going on here…

Sure... and when did she ever initiate sex or suggest a more convenient time for her? (Or take a shower at night, for goodness sake, if that's the only thing holding her back sometimes.)

Exactly! Some of my favorite sex are those raw, passionate, time-constrained engagements. Although, I'm a guy who has sex with other guys. YMMV. I don't have to worry about that elusive female orgasm.

But there is no indication that she is initiating sex at any other time. Sure some of his attempts may be lazy or bad timing some times, but she could easily fix that by initiating sex at a better time for her. I'm sure he'd be agreeable with sex another time.

Actually, it IS work to connect with your partner and improve intimacy. This goes further than just sex, as you indicate, and she should take the time to work on her relationship - all aspects of it.

But there is no indications that she has EVER initiated sex. Instead, she has rejected him 27 times. How is that ok to you?