Ikr? This could have been prevented if 3rd grade was packing heat.

what did knees ever do to you?

He’s saves Miracles with his girlfriend Kelly... Uh Mary

Philly resident: can confirm

Win or lose, the city of Philly will be operating under Purge laws from Sunday night into Monday

“Thank god for that!”

Yeah, PC culture sucks! With their endless driver updates and DRM. Xbox 4 life, sonn.

These types of jokes are the hackiest on deadspin. “What’s the deal with airline food” level. Still get stars though.

Small world. I won a Grammy for “Loves Ketchup”.

Another Twitter user said he’d located a Patriot site in Yemen.

Fuck that shit. If a kicker can do it against the wind, in the snow in front of 75000 people; if a hipster can shoot a foul shout in front of 22,000 screaming people; if a baseball player has to step to the plate in front of45,000, a fucking golfer or tennis player can take a little noise. The “Oh, Don’t ruin their…

How is he “the most-watched TV host” when he scores a 3.8, while Judge Judy scores a 6.0?

If he can’t communicate with millenials then all is lost.

Yep, the best way to silence a man that has a radio and television show is to surreptitiously pull the plug on his Twitter account.

The Philly Life Begins at Conceptions will be your side.

Is this in English?

Caillou was so bad. I was so happy when my kids outgrew it, although I do miss Little Bear and Franklin. Those, I liked.

Cosby invited Mike Schmidt onto the stage, and then Cosby peed on him.

Now I know who’s been freezing Christopher Walken.

He did say it was better than his wedding night.