Sounds like something Peter File would come up with.

Is this for real...this is the best they could do....let’s be color-coordinated?!?!? This is some Basic Bullshit right here...

The Bears are now so irrelevant that their notoriously garbage natural grass surface doesn’t even warrant a mention anymore

He’s a beer vendor in Denver who accidentally stepped on the sidelines once and John Elway decided that was enough to qualify him as a ‘coach’.

Backdoor Shenanigans is the name of my Gaelic-core G.G. Allin tribute band.

That Apple commercial... “What’s a computer?” followed by quickly looking back at the computer and ignoring her neighbor. Know why that commercial ends so abruptly? Because the neighbor chucks a bag of mulch over the fence and ruins her and her precious I-pad.

Meanwhile, Roy Moore continues to state that he would dip his balls in it. It being, anything young enough to not get these references.

I mean ... I don’t doubt you’re right, but is “being the first to that sweet Bon Jovi sound” really the thing you want as your legacy?

Not to worry. I’ll just hide out in the back of a soccer net and they won’t be able to find me.

Which is doubly concerning given that America didn’t even win in MLS.

Even with the pixelated avatar, I could identify you as my wassailant immediately.

I’d drink too if my car was endlessly prone to vapor lock.

I hate to tell you, Emma, but Heath Evans is a goldurn Christian.

This ended the show?

Did you say... wassail?

Yes. But the president is sending a message that science isn’t important.

Um, Obama? Need there be any other?

Bah god, that’s Nick Foles’s music!

A 3% annual growth rate is not out of the ordinary (it was 2.6% 2015 for example). And considering the GOP tax cut is cutting 15% off corporate earnings, a 3% growth rate would be really pathetic.