Can I give you a negative star for that cold take ?

Matt Nagy is watching this over and over right now.

Generous of Jezebel and Splinter to allow Deadspin to get in on the misleading hit piece game.

“Oh, and the gender discrimination lawsuit they filed against U.S. Soccer...”

Have you checked to see if they’re legally barred from discussing the issue while the lawsuit is ongoing? This isn’t a criticism, I’m legitimately curious.

you try keeping down a St. Louis style pizza

I think it's unfair to say that this is the reason they lost. It's probably only 80%, because fuck that guy. 

I know a lot of people are going to take satisfaction and glee from this because of Marchand’s previous actions. But keep in mind.... just kidding, fuck that guy.

USWNT better watch out the next time they have to face Madison Bumgarner.

I’m okay with them scoring a pile of goals. Celebrating those goals with more than a fist bump after about 5-0 just means you’re a bit of a dick.

I’m the conductor of the “Jennifer Lawrence is wildly overrated” train. Feel free to hop on!

“I’m a white guy lawyer lots of people don’t like”

Don’t forget, it’s awful now it used to be so much better when I was a kid.

Baseball: Where it’s totally not cool to do your job to try and beat someone else in the game you’re playing, but it’s absolutely fine to throw a projectile at someone’s face if they watched their home run for too long that one time 10 months ago.

Finally, a video that belongs on Deadspin.

Please please please please please please...  Oh please beat the Bruins...

I know it’s completely different but it’s still funny to me in a “Sure you’re the Major League World Series Champions, but you’ll never be the AAA World Series Champions!” kind of way.

Nope; it should have been done a while ago.

The stadiums are designed to distract you no matter what age you are, even when players are at-bat. Vendors, stuff on the video boards, food and drink...the teams/orgs themselves are doing what they can to keep you from paying full attention.

And nevermind how fucking fast…

Of all people, you’re surprised that this guy abstains from being a swinger when he encounters another dude in an unfamiliar position?

Eminem: “Lose Yourself”

At least Kanter got a double-double for all his fellow countrymen and women watching back ho—... never mind.