With all of the unpleasant tanking going on, it’s refreshing to see a franchise really lean into “really fucking mediocre” like the Timberwolves do.

True story: went to a small high school in northern New England (like 60 kids per class). We had an English exchange student join us for his senior year, and he was, as you might imagine, instantly the best player on our soccer team. EVERY single game he’d get a yellow card for swearing. One game he got double…

I don’t see anything wrong with that--looks like a lovely day! /Canadian

Sometimes, only your Pham can tell you the hard truths. 

You are selling this idea very short.

Sometimes the light at the end of a tunnel is a train.

Taste in music is subjective. Just because one person says a song sucks, doesn’t mean it sucks to someone else. If you like a song, you like a song, and nothing anyone says will change that.

Whether or not it’s a foul is solely at the discretion of the ref.

Fragrance foul!

Because, despite their proliferation throughout the ranks of professional and collegiate football, most football coaches are actually terrible at their jobs. A lowering tide sinks all boats?

longtime quarterbacks coach DeFilippo

They can pry my cookie dough from my cold, dead hands. I’ve been eating it my whole life and have no plans to stop now.

Percocet. Ever had these? For years I put up the old man “Get off my lawn” routine. But now? I MUST HAVE. Give me all the Percocet. They tell you you’re not allowed to have cheap beer, but brother, you haven’t listened to Skins talk radio all week. 95% of what’s wrong with the NFL could be washed away with these…

Nurse: Oh my God! Come look at this Red skin!

Do they have to give the money back?

I used to poop on escalators. I still do, but I used to too.

An escalator can never break. It can only become a toilet.

One time a customer pooped all over the escalator at my old job and we had to evacuate the premises.

Sir, this is an Arby’s drive-through.

“This is the day we have prepared for. Remember your training, do not get too close, keep the butter burgers coming and do not look him in the eye. May god have mercy on us all”