Assuming that getting fat is the worst thing that can happen to a person (FYI, it isn’t) why would you wish ill on her? She didn’t reject you. Surely, you can come up with some bile for the jerk who led you on and then dropped you for someone else?

It’s because it is ugly as fuck

Nice to meet you. I thought I was the only person in America who did not know/care about the Gilmore Girls.

sure, when i do it, it’s “weird” and “ruins the mood,” but when NICKI MINAJ does it...

Dude’s got so many projection issues he should work at a theater!

Am I horrible for Snooki getting sucker-punched being my favorite “Jersey Shore” moment?

If Tyler had been exposed to more fine art as a school kid, would he have written a song called “Bitch Suck Dick”?

She and Khloe call each other/themselves KiKi and KoKo or Keeks and Kokes. Yes, I know it from watching the show and yes, I’m aware that possession of this knowledge reflects poorly on me.

i love your tweets, kara. i don’t follow kk but looked through her feed. it’s weird. she has somewhat of a personality on it. also, “blast the fuck outta them?” she’s not smart enough for good comebacks.

I don't even own A gun. Let alone many which would necessitate an entire rack!

My ex did the opposite of freaking out and offered to officiate at the wedding at a steep discount. I think I will take him up on that because it’s such a delightfully odd thing to say. “Oh, yeah, my ex husband will be marrying us.”

Because being fat is the worst thing ever.

He wasn’t an ex, but someone who only liked me once I stopped liking him. He left me a bunch of drunken, crying voicemails. In German. Which I don’t speak.

If by “freak out,” you mean “post a bunch of Vague-book statuses about SOME MYSTERIOUS PERSON who RUINED EVERYTHING,” then yes, I would say my ex-husband freaked out when I got re-married.

None of my exes freaked out but all the significant exes in my adult life made cameo appearances over the next couple of weeks post-engagement.

Puh-lease. When my ex got married I only briefly turned my mind to that poor, poor girl and her impending sexual dissatisfaction. Then I went back to being awesome.

My ex just made some passive-aggressive vague posts on Facebook. “So happy to have the support of my REAL friends,” “Life doesn’t make sense sometimes, but I know now that moving on is the best solution,” and the like. That almost irritated me more than an actual meltdown, just because he has this victim mentality…

Well, then it is kind of a shame you didn’t tell him that... ;)

Sort of related: my ex-husband had a meltdown when I let him know that I started dating someone. Never mind that he had been dating the same girl for a year and lived with her.

You. 100% you.