"I'm ready to play the biggest game of my life," Brady texted a former teammate before kickoff.

Instead of spending money to adopt this horrible demon dog, I'm just gonna saw my right calf off with a rusty butter knife. Same result; free.

I bet it could fuck up a rhino.

An artist's depiction of Lily's editor hanging out in this comments section

"need you home a sap"

I just say with increasing volume, "fap fap Fap FAP FAP FAP FAP". It usually gets a laugh out of him.

His abusive relationship with black and grizzly bears.

Driver: Do you know who I am?

Westbrook responded, 'It went well. It was a white guy this time, which considering the judicial system we have in this country, is a pretty rare thing. So that was cool. They also didn't botch the drug combo, so the guy didn't lie on the gurney suffering for an hour before he died. So all in all, I have to say the…

"That's God setting it up, to make it so dramatic, so rewarding, so special," he said, as he was untied by his father Abraham.

They had to scrap that headline after Russell Wilson's pass to Kearse.

I certainly understand. Sometimes things have an emotional value that far outstrips any monetary value it may have.

Easy. Zero.

Congress would have nothing to do with this. The Federal Reserve handles deflation.

8—No, Wait, More Like 7 Seconds

I mean GOOD FOR HER.

It was Jones that made it a big deal. It was Jones that made it an unnecessary distraction and attention grab. And it will be Jones who'll have to live this one down. If he's anything like the Jaguars mascot, he'll still be taped to my basement wall two years from now, blown up to life-size high-definition and…

His first three college games, ever. Against teams ranked #11, #1, and #2. In the divisional championship game, the Sugar Bowl, and the National Championship.

Police Officer: HANDS UP!
Ohio State Fan: [makes "o"]
Ohio State Fan: [makes "h"]
Ohio State Fan: [makes "i"]
Police Officer: [uses entire can of spray]

I understand wanting to use tear gas on OSU fans as a general principle, but c'mon, you at least have to let them fuck up before you do it.