Throw away your microwaves.

This is easily resolved. The governor declares a state of emergency including a stay-at-home order and asks the feds to help enforce it.

This guy seems cool. Let's un-grey him!

I love the Pulsar and always have, but CP.

I hope you earther yutzes are on the coast. 

He’s not a blogger, he’s a Kinja programmer.

Nah, I'm trying to raise him into a man.

Doordash.

Fuck amazon, fuck bezos, and fuck prime. 

This will never work. My kid LOVES cheese. It'll be gone.

Wear the mask, but also keep your goddamn mouth shut. 

Easy, get some indica. 

My phone is set to automatically reboot every 48 hours, shortly before my morning alarm is scheduled to go off. Just because I can.

I'd rather have a waffled steak.

Already keep a bottle of El Jimador in there. That's enough.

I loved Oregon Trail as much as the next guy and have no problem with it, but wasn’t it pulled from the market because some thin-skinned shits decided that it was racist? Funny it would be discussed on a kinja site in anything but a hateful manner. 

I hope they cancel the memberships of anyone caught selling these gift cards em masse and give them a lifetime ban.

But the racist ones will be worth more money after everyone is finished whitewashing history. (Sorry, perhaps brown-nosing history would be more accurate.)

Only communists use Tik Tok

Better yet fire that piece of crap into the landfill and learn to cook. Microwaves are nasty.