You have to do it if you’re the Mets.

Unless the Phillies are all in on this season, the smart move would be to trade the Phanatic for a mascot with more years of team control left on his deal.

I think I’m speaking for all Philadelphians when I say the team’s lawsuit doesn’t hold wudder.

I’ll be honest, I have to give them respect for starting their statement with the “We’re not racist, it’s just our ‘no blacks’ tradition”. I mean I stopped there for a few moments as I kept wondering that there was no way they were that tone deaf.

Deadspin is not your personal erotica site!

Anyone who uses or saved this list for use needs to take a serious look at themselves in the mirror. People who would doxx or take advantage of doxxing to harass another human being, but somehow think they have a moral high ground about ANYTHING are so deeply deluded they may be beyond saving.

it depends on several things: where you are in your current contract, years of service, accolades like all nba, how many cups of coffee you can drink without murdering someone, how many times you’ve driven the autobahn, if you can parallel park downtown in Seattle, how long you can hold your breath, it’s all right…

Kudos to Diana, she’s doing the Lord’s work as always.

People from Ohio think that taking four of them to spell the state name is an accomplishment. There's no way they are literate enough to be Truthers. 

“Were it not OSU this is not news”

It’s hard to imagine anyone being as absolutely tone-deaf to a situation as these people (Meyer, etc.) have been.

I see some people I grew up with on occasion and they all have a bit of a country twang or cadence to how they speak now as if they grew up on ranches or something (they did not)

Getting Joe Flacco when you need a franchise QB is like getting a can of shoe polish when you need to treat your baldness.

NOT a Broncos fan, but I am a Denver resident, and give us a LITTLE slack about our Governor. Hickenlooper has moved on from the state house to tut-tut at the Dems who literally don’t want people to die from insulin rationing, and was replaced by Jared Polis, a Gay man who’s running a pretty left administration right…

That went to a dark, dark place. I had one year in college where I didn’t leave my dorm room for weeks and seriously considered offing myself, and that was still not as dark as that story.

I know you’re just teasing him, but Elway has proven time and again that he’s the glue that holds this team together. 

Obligatory:

Jesus Christ, Charles. These submissions are supposed to be depressing in a funny way, not straight up depressing.

According to my high school coaches, the offense should be able to execute their play even if the defense knows what was coming. To prove this point, they’d tell the defense the offensive playcall. Of course, then they’d get pissed that nine defenders were filling the 3-hole. So you were supposed to know what was…

Did you ever try to line up against Champ, point across the field and yell, “HEY, WHAT’S THAT??? just before the snap?