You have six fingers?

No, Mike, you can’t. But you also don’t have to turn your locker room into goddamned Arkham, either.

Some fingers in the right place, some fingers in the wrong place?

Whatever you’re paying that graphics guy, it’s not enough. 

also it was later shown on video evidence that she was farting underwater, propelling her body forward faster and leaving her competitors behind to deal with wandering fart bubbles

If this had happen during the Montreal portion of the Rays season, it would have been even more confusing because it would have all been in metric.

I believe the correct jargon used by the kids these days is, “yeet”

‘A 9-year-old from Florida was singled out and flung into the air’

I agree the office is a little much, but I’m not here to kink-shame anyone.

Given the instability of their profession, pro athletes aren’t always eager to make their house a home, and Phil less so.

that’s a jerk-off station

“You’re a loser. I’m a winner”

You can tell this is Deadspin because it finds a way to be about the Wizards. 

this sun isnt particularly bright, i reckon.

“You have to get more into my body.”

Really burnishes his record of 2-time MVP, 8-time First Team defense, 7-time Second-Team defense, 3-time college Defensive Player of the year, to find out he accomplished all of that while actually coaching his opponents on how to play better against him. Damn.

This is like when Gary started in the office and asked me for some help:

Swimmers Upset Swimmer Won’t Piss, In Pool

is that guy pissed because of how many records sun set?

Ben Askren. Obviously.