As an added bonus, Whiteside also moved up Chad Ford's draft board after today's performance.

The Burns meet a very soft penguin

Throw Mamba from the Train

if you don't know which state is Massachusetts then you should keep it shut. Take a lap

For posterity's sake, your comment made it to morning radio here in the Twin Cities. Congrats!

I am a massive internet embarrassment

That's CT and half of that state is NY Giants country.

that's connecticut

Wow, New England, even all of the goddamn oceans are against you.

Brilliant! I did not care for Mr. Lynch up to now. But now I get it. The guy is a genius.

Can I nominate Marshawn Lynch for the 2014 Deadspin Hall of Fame?

Like Lynch is the only guy who considers his dick his teammate.

"It was so sad to see the hopelessness in their faces, and know that they are never going to be okay," said Johnny, age eight.

I'm sure the kids had a great time hanging with Anthony Bennett. Nothing boosts self-esteem more than being surrounded by individuals in worse shape than you are.

The petition says that Benson's mental health has also been deteriorating. When he was recently asked who the president of the United States was, he replied "Ronald Reagan"

Bet they put a bounty on that third wife.

This girl seems like a pretty unbelievable catch.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯