“people, myself included, think festivals are the most fun, and would much rather be outside with nattily dressed strangers”

This is an Easter tradition I can get behind! Who wants to join me in spreading the sorcery and dressing up as a witch and getting all the free candy! One is problem that I’m a grown woman, but men are always telling me I’m a witch (or bitch) hahaha same thing usually happens when i turn them down.

And actually in Swedish they are Påskkärringar which is closer to Easter bitches or at least Easter hags in direct translation. But all the styling is more similar to witches.

I was the “if fairies and gnomes aren’t real, why would God be?” kid. Because I really wanted the things in my Fairies and Gnomes books to be real. I didn’t care about what was in the Bible at all. But...try explaining that to your parents. THEN I got really into mythology and that was pretty much it. There’s no…

 u need to step up your game that was very weak.

Never O’Clock. That’s when. #TeamCandy #FuckItBucket

Re: The Ark. I got an explanation that would have made the writers of Doctor Who proud. Something like “God made as much room as necessary” or, in other words, “It’s bigger on the inside”

GODDAMIT. I got the same “have faith” crap when I asked about the logistics of the ark. I was probably about the same age and was like “welp, that’s enough of that...”

My mom did the same. I recall that between the hours of noon and 3pm, we weren’t supposed to play, eat, drink, or have any fun because that is when the j-man was on the cross.

I wasn’t asking you to speak for all of Christianity, just from your experience as a Christian who thinks the Jesus story is metaphor.

Most Christians think it really happened and take it very seriously.

As an individual that identifies as Christian, what’s the point of Christianity if the whole thing is just a metaphor?

One big metaphor?

Whatever. I’m staying the fuck indoors with the windows boarded over and the doors locked. Zombie Jesus can re-rise and eat someone else.

I think it’s really more that authority figures don’t actually have logical answers and any answer they may give might lead to more questions that have no logical answers. “Just believe” is the standard cop-out answer I generally received from nuns and priests during eight years of Catholic school.

It was thoughtful of him that he held on for a nice even number like 3 pm.

I asked my teacher/nun that exact question when I was about 12. I got some answer that was mostly incomprehensible bluster before she insisted I should not question things and just “have faith”.

I know when Easter starts because it’s when my mom calls me to passively-aggressively shame me for being an atheist. Brunch starts about an hour after I get off the phone with her.

I liked the year when Easter fell on the start of Daylight Savings. My family missed the noon mass, and I had to pretend to be disappointed. Fuck cults.

Let hope Jesus doesn’t see his shadow, or it’s one more year of damnation.