I like how nobody’s really concerned about the dead body in your Hoarders story and is focused almost exclusively on the dildos. Begrudging props to the commentariat, fellow weirdos!

Couple of thoughts: I know some hoarders who have been okay when relocated. In this case, they went to Florida, they had a place to stay that was sparsely furnished, no one mentioned the clutter back home, and after a couple of months they were like: oh, we don’t care about any of that stuff, and the children were…

He’d better be unflappable as well.

There’s actually a logical explanation for the bags of feces - often there was some sort of plumbing issue and the hoarder was too ashamed of the house to let a plumber inside, so they stopped using the toilet and started pooping in other things (and then not clearing out the shitty stuff because hoarder). That or the…

You guys...this scares me in a special way because my parents are hoarders. They are not up to the garbage stage yet, but I see it only getting worse as they get older. My dad is 73 and my mom is 68. They shut any discussion about the state of their home down. When I tried to bring up the possibility of professional…

And at least twice as entertaining.

Matt Paxton was always my fave and clearly, he has seen some SHIT.

Matt Paxton is a hero.

I spoke to a guy who used to work as a junk removal/clean up guy. He said he got called to a hoarder’s house and he and the man’s nephew were sorting through the stuff. They found boxes and massive stacks of gay porn magazines from the 50s-90s. The nephew seemed pretty surprised and told the guy to keep them or get…

How could NOBDOY notice you missing for twenty years? Thats tragic. 

Cat pee has an insanely strong smell, I completely believe that it would cover the smell of rotting flesh.

Yeah...

Or a significant other, a friend, another relative? Nobody did a wellness check on this blind woman?

What you don’t see can’t hurt you?

How terribly sad to not have *anyone* miss you. Not a friend or sibling or co-worker. Not even your own mother who thought you moved out and then didn’t worry that you never ever called.

This is the first thing I read today. I’m going back to bed.

Bet the owner’s got a sizeable bill headed his way.

Aimée: I love this whole article. Please write everything with as many puns as possible always.

I hate it when trash day is windy and my recycle bin gets loose and ends up in the road. This is like that, but like, way worse.