Traditionally handsome whitebread as fuck types are my jam. Rashida Jones and I need to get wine drunk and compare notes.

Yesterday I got an email from Preserve that was titled "Meet Oysteria" and I thought omg omg omg no fucking way is that the name of her baby??? No no it was just the name of some artisanal overpriced brand of honey or something. I was disappointed.

I thought it was so funny when this article was posted because I have fallen into the Dance Moms fandom hole a few times (I follow Maddie on Instagram. Sia thinks she's cool!) and all I can think is that they're wayyyy too young for social media. The shit show is really fun and the love-me desperation reminds me of…

I don't like bitchy Chrissy Teigen. Down-to-earth-yes-I'm-a-supermodel-but-I-could-also-be-your-best-friend-because-I-like-eating-cheeseburgers-at-midnight-too Chrissy Teigen is far better.

My mom made me vanilla extract for Christmas and she says to me "wait two weeks to use it and it'll just be vanilla vodka. Wait 40 days and it's vanilla extract." We're at the two week mark and I'm facing some stuff decisions.

"Ya'all didn't even look this good at 25."

I love her hair and makeup and actually kinda the dress. I love that she doesn't go the traditionally pretty, sexy route and instead chooses things that are very high fashion and trendy and just a little weird.

WERK.

HOW DID SHE NOT GO FOR A BOLD RED LIP??? VERY MISSED OPPORTUNITY I AM UPSET.

I can only hope that one day I have enough power to give as few shits as Martha.

I'm actually so into this dress. She always takes risk and wears stuff straight off the runway. I think this dress is friggin cute and unique and quirky and a refreshing change from the very bombshell femme fatale stuff that was going on last night. I also love how she shit in the face of anti-matchy-matchy…

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2 WAS THE FINEST FILM OF THE YEAR AND WAS TRULY ROBBED OF A NOMINATION FOR BEST PICTURE.

Where is Papa Quvenzhané Wallis? I bet he's fine as hell.

My local paper published a little brief about the music video that was like "Some people seem to need 'IT's A METAPHOR' scrawled across the screen during the video."

MY FOOTCYCLE!

To Cathy:

Just wanted to say that this is my 20th visit to this page since it was posted.

Oh yes!!!! I love them. I also love Paul F. Thompkin's (I think it's PFT) Werner Herzog.

Me, too. I haven't closed this tab since this was posted and all I can do is stare.

I remember that! Sometimes the super handsome actor guests have trouble keeping up on DLM but he was right at home. Love me a funny guy.