I had the same thought. Feminism means protecting fetuses! And lower taxes! Feminism means never having to say Happy Holidays! My local diner serves Pepsi products instead of Coke, and every time I go I’m like “excuse me, I’m a FEMINIST.” Feminism is against net neutrality because women can profit from monopolies…

my great grandmother said “I never realized how attractive fat people’s faces could be until you.”

“I don’t know what you would have done if we hadn’t adopted you- you wouldn’t make a very good prostitute”. (Adopted as a child from a communist country. It was a true statment, but vulgar coming from a parent. Emancipated shortly there after).

You win for Best Comeback.

As she was putting the turkey on the table for Thanksgiving dinner, “It’s a Butterball, just like Missy.”

My mom is an incredible woman but suffers from alcoholism. Sometimes she is a very mean drunk and during those times she has said the most cruel things about my appearance- seizing on my insecurities I had shared with her and throwing them back in my face. But the worst was when she sarcastically said my rape was hard…

“You are the fattest person I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting.” -Mom

I was in eighth grade and mister king of junior high says to me “I know who you are you’re like the most popular girl of all the like unpopular people.”

And it is true, I did not burn my bra. Was this a political statement? No, it was simple common-sense economics. When one pays top dollar for intimate apparel like moi does, setting it ablaze is wasteful, improvident and highly incendiary.

No. You aren’t dating them anymore, they aren’t family, and it’s none of their business. Why would you?

Nope. Astoria is full. And completely populated by rats and spiders. Don’t anyone move there - it’s terrible!!

Seriously, you don’t want to hear a crying child on a plane, wear some sound isolating head phones.
As for the seat kicking. That only annoys me when the parents dont even make an attempt to have their child to not do that. If the parents are trying, there is not much you can do. Children are children. (My last flight…

We both WEPT, as we knew we would, and it was one of the reasons we arranged to marry in a completely private ceremony (with only the officiant, and photogs there as witnesses). We both had hankies in hand bc we knew it would be a weepy mess. Miraculously my makeup survived (one of the main reasons I got lash…

I cried at my wedding as soon as I saw my wife walking down the aisle. I also cried the first time I heard my daughter’s heartbeat on the ultrasound, when I found out she was a girl, the first time that I held her, and sometimes when I rock her to sleep.

I teared up and cried a bit. My husband, however, ugly-sobbed his way through it. It was amazing.

I did not cry. I did, however, start to have one hell of a panic attack once it was time for me to walk down the aisle. As I started to wheeze and get dizzy, my father (who was walking me down the aisle) looked at me and just grinned.

I can attest that John Waters is a lovely, polite, and dashing gentleman who likes to frequent dive bars.

I went to see a screening of the second Boondock Saints film (for all its deep and obvious flaws, I have an abiding fondness for the original, entirely because of the gorgeous men and all the homoeroticism) that included a panel discussion with Troy Duffy and a few of the actors afterward. The move was so awful I…

It was a typical night out at the bars in Minneapolis & was having a great time talking to a really nice guy. In the middle of a sentence, Josh Hartnett bounds up to the guy and drags him away while shouting, “No. Beer googles, dude. No. Beer goggles. Beer goggles. No. No. No. No. Take off your beer goggles. No. No.…

So this isn’t really the celebrity being a dick, but I love this story. When I was studying abroad in Spain in 2007, Superbad had just come out the summer before, and it was opening in Spain in October. McLovin and Jonah Hill were at a club that my friend and I were going to for her birthday; we were leaving for…