I’m no fan of ICE, but I’m not going to fault a food truck for doing its business. Margins are slim in the food business, and federal agents’ money is green.

Man, just unbelievably fuck those people. This sucks. They’re killing (or have already killed, for all I know) Deadspin out of greed and spite.

“Dwight, you ignorant slut!”

Why would a wedding need a dress code at all? Semi-formal if it starts before 6, Formal if it starts after.

That’s a great response to the police officer’s inevitable question, “Do you think this is a game?”

Exactly. Which is why you don’t shit where you eat. 

Ak! That’s “attorneys general”.

You, as a person, suck. Get over yourself. 

It’s all wind. Ghosts don’t exist. 

As a self-described music expert, this list is fucked. 

Anyone who thinks spears are better is a goddamn lunatic. Too much pickle. The breading falls off before you finish it. Invites double (and triple)-dipping. It’s supposed to be a shared appetizer. Serve it like a goddamn shared appetizer.

There’s something particularly narcissistic about celebrities who date their agents.

there’s only one other F1 race in the country!

and I’m not in San Francisco

As someone who loves Thanksgiving above all else, this makes me want to declare an actual war on Christmas.

Well, that didn’t take long.

That’s not true.

He didn’t add bacon and avocado for just a little extra? What an amateur. Probably an Oklahoma transplant.

A sandwich can be many things