Fuck the monarchy as a general rule, but damn it’s wild whenever a story involving Wallis Simpson doesn’t also note that she was, you know, a Nazi. Kinda one of those things that should follow your name around forever. 

The only letters Wallis Simpson probably wanted were ‘SS’, so that was probably a good call.

Funny you should say that because there was an ISP in the DC area called Radixnet in the early 90's when people were starting to hook up to the internet through dail-up. We used to have it in our house.  Benji and his brother are from Waldorf, MD, which is a DC suburb.  Maybe they had it is well?  

Raddix is a vegan exterminator. Duh.

Perfect. Let’s reframe the first Hunger Games so that when it starts, we empathize with Snow, and we see Katniss Everdeen for the family-feeding villain she truly is.

Who wants to write the next musical, about our true hero, Javert?

Was Middlesex a slog? I remember liking it and going through it pretty quickly...

Cast Hayden Christensen and I’m in!

Nah, they’re obviously talking about dick size.

Oh, he’s read it a couple of times already and knows the endnotes by heart.

What I want to know is how you read the endnotes of Infinite Jest if you cut it in half.

To our eternal shame, this moron is in charge of the UK because other morons voted for him. This guy...

Oh please! This is clearly an attempt at a humble-brag. I mean look at the books in the photo. “I’m a book murderer but the books I murder are hard slogs to get through and look at how brilliant I am for reading them!”

But how will everyone know what a high-brow-intellectual-Russian-literature-reading genius he is if people can’t see the cover of the book he’s reading!?

OMG this! I realize that aging is a bitch and it will happen to all of us, but there are scads of evidence that learning ability, problem solving, decision making, retention, ability to understand and optimize technology and executive functioning all decline with age (some evidence that age 70 is when it is most…

Peggy Siegel is 72 years old and has run one of the top showbiz PR firms in NYC for 40 years. Surely she must have a substantial nest egg. DOESN’T ANYONE JUST RETIRE ANYMORE?

On Monday, he met with Boris Johnson

WESTJET? WHAT IS THIS LIFE OF LUXURY HE LEADS? WHY DIDN’T HE SAIL INTO HALIFAX ON A DINGHY AND TAKE GREYHOUND? WHY DOES HE HAVE A BACKPACK INSTEAD OF A GARBAGE BAG SLUNG ON HIS SHOULDER? DOES HE NOT WANT TO BE LIKE THE MASSES?

He’s not my husband. He's my roommate who just hasn't met the right gal yet. Vote for me please!

Paris Hilton was an omen none of us heeded. 

I thought Ben Carson already blew the “surgeons are super smart” myth out of the water for us, but there you go.